The worst rumor
Before we start, you should know that our editor LOVES Felipes Tacos like you wouldn’t believe it, and he has delivered some news that really freaks people out: retiring after nearly 30 years because the pandemic is a bunch of bullshit and nothing feels good anymore. And while we don’t squirm on the floor crying like our editor did earlier (the words he used were “damn heartbroken”), we would certainly miss the delicious vegetarian dishes at the venerable Midtown institution, which, by the way one has the cleanest kitchens we’ve ever seen. According to the editor, he’s spoken to Martinez and there’s nothing specific to report yet, but if you want to get some Felipes we wouldn’t hesitate.
If you want to learn a little more, check out this link to see when our editor spoke to Martinez a few years ago. It’s quick and quite interesting read.
Anyway, here’s a 100%, completely factual, and by no means winking, story about that terrible Christmas stone itself, the fruit cake.
Did you know that fruit cake experts believe the origins of the matter go back to ancient Rome? Apparently the early version (called Satura) was some kind of power bar? The idea was that you could swallow this dense mound of density and be full of energy for the rest of your life.
Later, as dried fruit became available in more places around the world because ships got faster or something, different shapes appeared. For example, in the time of England’s Shakespeare (which would be something in the late-1500s to sometime-in-1600) the British created a version called Plum Porridge. This was more fluid and could contain meat and fruits that weren’t just plum-like.
Oh, but it wasn’t over yet. By far not. When these terrible colonists started jumping across the pond to America, it was really tiring work enslaving and murdering so many people, so they brought plum puree, refined it (by which we mean tossing whatever was available) and by the late 19th century it had become that strange thing that we know and – well, if not love, then tolerate.
It was the colonists who made the whole fruitcake thing a Christmas tradition. They decorated tins and gave them away to people who said, “Oh, cute! Is that three kinds of popcorn in a handy can? ”But then when they opened it it was a bloody fruitcake and they smiled through their teeth and everyone said,“ We don’t hate that at all. Thank you, co-suppressor! ”And that’s why your grandma continues to give it to you today, even if you ask her not to do it anymore.
According to the folks at Smithsonian Magazine, the reason we believe we hate fruit cakes has to do with the advent of mass produced foods in the early 20th century. Apparently, when fruit cakes were mass produced and sold, they were so gross when you got them that we tend to see them that way. The rumor persists! “It’s not as bad as you think or not at all,” shouts Grandma on the phone. A little of you wondering whether you have sided with the colonists? Maybe. Maybe like this.
The Swiss Colony, the country’s largest hand-decorating baker (whatever that means), distributes the most fruitcakes ever, amounting to over 66,000 a year. Is it in Wisconsin, exactly where you would think it is? Yup.
This was your guided excursion into the wonderful world of fruit cakes.
We have a déjà vu here, but it doesn’t matter.
Likewise
-Our friends at Source NM report that this year’s red chilli crop could be affected by political unrest, namely the Supreme Court’s $ 5 million seasonal hiring program run by Governor Michelle Lujan Grisham last August of the state has been stopped. Apparently, lawmakers weren’t so disappointed with Lujan Grisham’s use of the American Rescue Plan Act dollars. Find out more here.
-On Monday, the New Mexico Film Office announced that a new competitive back-TV show is being produced here in the state. Easy-Bake Battle comes to us from some of the people behind Top Chef and employs 45 crew members from New Mexico. Don’t be mad, but the search for candidates is already over and we can’t figure out how the Easy-Bake-Oven toy fits in, but you just know.
-Have you been to the Tune-Up Café lately? It’s so much bigger in there! There’s also pizza now! Oh, and new specials all the time. As we write this, we’re not sure if there are tres leches cakes on the menu right now, but if you ever see them there, get them.
-We are happy to say we tried Bo’s Authentic Thai and we are in love. We’d like to go into further detail, but another writer here does a full review. So now you just know that the rumors are true and that food is really something special. When you consider that the truck was only opened about a month ago and changed before a change, that’s tough as hell.
Do you think this is the theme song for this new show?
More treats
-A British chef is in hot water after serving a shepherd’s cake in Northamptonshire (the most British sounding town ever) that basically poisoned a bunch of people and killed one. It is said that Chef John Croucher felt rushed and violated food preparation safety rules in order to feed a group of 30+ people in a timely manner. Of these, numerous fell ill and one otherwise healthy person succumbed to gastrointestinal bleeding.
– Do you want to make the kind of sausage board that will make other hipsters indulge in the most adult lunchables ever? HuffPost’s food section has tips. We joke and we always eat a lot of crackers and cheese and stuff.
– The writer Jordan Michelman now has a list of sparkling wines on Eater-dot-com that are perfect for the old Christmas season. If you want bubbly wines this is the piece for you.
– Last but not least, on links from food sites that do a lot better than us, Thrillist-dot-com has a whole load of recipes from around the world that you can use to be complacent at holiday potlucks and the like. We love the idea of showing people – especially Beckie.
A fully scientific breakdown of The Fork’s correspondence
In this week’s print edition of SFR, our editor continues his quest to eat soooooo maaaaaany brekkie b’s.
Number of letters received
20th
* What the hell guys?
Most helpful tip of the week (a barely edited letter to the editor)
“Thanks very much.”
* We could have used context, but we’d love to!
Really helpful tips
“Get a candy thermometer.”
* This is really good advice for many reasons.
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Damn tight
The fork
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